Trailer Life

In domestic adoptions, as in all adoptions, there are lots of rules, regulations, and red tape to go through. They are there for a reason and a good thing, but they can also make life very interesting! Since Ben was born in Louisiana, we were required by law to stay in the state until Mississippi gave us approval to cross state lines and bring him home.

This whole process took two weeks, and what an interesting two weeks it was! As I said, my mom brought her travel trailer and we stayed in it with her. I was so thankful she was able to come, especially when Mike went home to work for a few days. Max had a blast with all of us in such close quarters, even if he did get a little stir crazy sometimes. Ben could have cared less where he was and spent the majority of the time in his travel bed and swing. Give him food and cuddles and he was a happy camper.

We were all definitely ready to get home after those two weeks, but what an adventure it was! It was crazy, tiring, fun, hectic, silly, crazy...you name it. Truth be told, I kind of miss it. Kind of.

A Baby Story Part 2

 

Mike, Max and I headed to Louisiana on Thursday and stayed in a hotel. My mom met us on Friday and brought her travel trailer for us to stay in as long as we were there. It was a tight fit, but we had fun and it saved a lot of money!

On Friday, we met with the lawyer and then it was time to wait. We ended up at the local mall for most of the day, just walking around and waiting for a phone call that we could go up to the hospital. We were definitely on edge as we waited. My mom got to town and we had gone to meet her when we got the call. Everything looked good, the baby was here, and it was time to go. It took awhile to convince them to tell me over the phone, but finally they did. It was a boy!

 
We zoomed up to the hospital and straight to the NICU. We had to get clearance, but then it was time to meet Mr. Ben. He was so cute just laying there fast asleep! We got to spend time with him that day and several times over the next couple days as we waited for him to get released from the hospital. We brought him home (well back to the trailer) on Monday, and his birth mother signed the final papers on Wednesday. It was official...he was ours!

 
Obviously, for various reasons, this is a fairly short version of our adoption story. It would be hard to write in a single post about the emotion and details of this time in our lives, but all I can say is God is so good! And although I have said very little about Ben's birth mother, please keep her in your prayers. The whole process was so short that we didn't really get to know her like I would have liked to, but she did share some with us. She is an amazing woman who did what she believed was best for her baby, and she was so wonderful and brave through the whole experience. I think about her daily, and I know she would appreciate your prayers!

A Baby Story

 Since Ben is almost a month old, I thought I should go back and fill in some details about his (very) quick arrival into our family. What a month it has been! At the beginning of May, Max and I were in Texas while Mike was at school. We had been working on getting back up on the "adoption list," and things had been going slow the past couple of months. We were waiting on our home study, trying to get our profile done, and all of that good stuff. That week, we got the word that we were officially back up on the list. I planned on coming home, blogging about how we were "official," and getting to work on turning the guest room into a nursery.

So...Max and I headed home to Mississippi on Tuesday, May 7. We were about an hour into the 8 hour drive when my phone rang. I saw that it was the agency, and immediately I knew. We had been picked! I was nervous, excited, surprised, and all of those things. Then, our consultant hit me with it- the baby was coming Friday. WHAT? That's when I really about had a heart attack. Although I knew what the answer would be, I called Mike to make sure he was on board and then plans started to form. I spent a good portion of the trip talking to people figuring everything out (thank goodness for Bluetooth), and it was decided we would leave Thursday. Yes...that was TWO days away.

Basically, I came home, did laundry, repacked, grabbed a car seat and swing, grabbed some baby clothes (boy and girl because we didn't know), and whatever else I could think of. Those couple of days went fast and soon it was time to leave. We were on our way to get our second child!

Mr. Ben

  Meet our new son.

Benjamin Marshall

Born May 11th

He's pretty cute, huh?

Surprised?
We were, too.
Max and I spent the first week of May in Texas.
We officially went up on the list to be chosen by birth mothers that week.
On the way home from Texas last week I got a call...yes, that was fast!
The baby was due Friday...what? Do you know my need to be organized and on top of things?
God had other plans for sure!
So we got ready and drove to Louisiana to meet our baby.
And we did.

Adoption Update

If you read our blog often, you may have seen the note in the sidebar about beginning the adoption of our second child in the fall of 2011. Well, as you know, fall 2011 has come and gone with no word on the adoption front. The reason for this is two-fold.

1. When we first went "inactive" with our adoption agency, we were given until Max turned 18 months old to get back into the process. At the time, we thought we would want no more than a year. But then we had a baby. And guess what? It's kind of hard. Fabulous and wonderful...but hard, too. Not only that, but Max just still seemed so little! Once we become eligible to adopt again, it could happen really quickly (it could also take a long time). So...we were definitely going back and forth on what to do.

2. Then, it became clear this fall that my dad wasn't doing very well. With Max and I spending so much time in Texas with family, the decision was pretty much made for us. We would wait the full 18 months.

So, this week we made the call to get the ball rolling on the adoption of our second child! Although we are still inactive until March when Max turns 18 months old, we have lots of paperwork and things to get done in the next couple of months. We would appreciate your prayers as we prepare to become a family of four!

This Week

I've definitely been going through an organization phase lately. I don't know that it's nesting, but it's something. All of this organization has me back in the nursery, which is a lot of fun, but it's also left me feeling a little down this week.

I spent so much time making the nursery ready for two babies, that now it's very apparent something, or someone I should say, is missing. Slowly but surely, I'm rearranging and making the room more appropriate for Mr. Max, but I can't shake the sadness that "Will" isn't going to be there too. (I will continue to call him Will on here so you know who I'm talking about, although Miss C did not keep that name. I just don't think it's my decision to share that name in a public arena.)

Yesterday I finally went through all the clothes we brought back from PA and all of the clothes in the closet. I have a pile of Will stuff and a pile of holiday gear that is going to be way to big or too small for Max. I also decided it was probably time to take the Will painting off the wall, since we are having people over tomorrow night.

The thing is, I just don't know what to do with it all. I surely don't want to get rid of it, but it also feels kind of sad to just stick it in a box in the attic. In the end I know it's just "things," but somehow it's more than that. I feel like I sound very melodramatic, but all of these things are the only things we'll ever have to remember him by. That and a few precious pictures from the time we spent with him in the hospital. So...in the attic it will go I suppose.

I don't really have much else to say. Just wanted to get the feelings out, although I don't know that I even wrote out what I meant to say. I guess that's the way it goes sometimes. I am learning more than ever what it means to live with great joy and great sadness. And as always, I know that God brought Miss C and Will into our lives for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, but I continue to pray that it has eternal value for everyone involved. And I pray that I never forget that God has a perfect plan for our family. Even when it hurts.

On Pause

One month ago today we were scrubbing down our house, making last minute trips to WalMart, and getting ready to leave to go to Pennsylvania. This isn't exactly how we saw the last month playing out, but the Lord is faithful and we have been carried through by His grace and the love of our friends and families.

I know I haven't talked a lot about it lately, but honestly I don't know what to say that I haven't said. I'm sad, I wish he was here, but he's not.

I do want to update you, though, about our adoption journey. In the days after our adoption was "disrupted" our consultant at our agency began to speak with us about our options in moving forward. Basically, we could go back on the waiting list as soon as we wanted, or we could go into what they call an inactive waiting period.

At first the choice seems pretty simple, but then a thousand questions and realities begin to pop up. What if Miss C changes her mind (we realize the chances of this happening are very slim) and we've already been rematched? What happens if we are matched and then I can't travel because of the pregnancy? What happens...what happens...what happens????

And honestly, in spite of all these questions, my heart immediately leapt to one place. Of course I want to be put back on the list as soon as possible! Why wouldn't I? But, we knew prayer, guidance, and time needed to be put into this decision, so we waited. And I could go into all of the things that affected our decision, but ultimately the only thing that matters is this: God said wait. He told me I was being impatient and even a little selfish. Because I wasn't thinking about what was best and right for everyone involved (including the child that will be our son or daughter). I was thinking about myself and what I wanted.

So, in the end, when it was time to make our decision, we knew that the most prudent and wise (are those the same word?) decision for everyone is to wait and continue our adoption journey after McDeux is born.

Now, to me, that meant next spring. But come to find out, our homestudy provider in Mississippi won't clear us to adopt again until McDeux turns one year old. So...we are waiting. Patiently. Eagerly. And with lots of prayer. Seventy-two weeks. That's 72 weeks until we can begin our adoption journey again. Part of me wants it to go in the blink of an eye, but part of me knows I will want to savor the first year of McDeux's life and wish it to slow down. In the end, it will be here before we know it. Bring it on.

Moving On?

I have a confession to make. I sometimes (more like always) worry that people will take what I say on my blog the wrong way. Or that my true heart will not come through in my words. I have spent way too much time agonizing and changing sentences in an effort to make sure nobody is offended or that I do not cause someone to believe something that is untrue. So...I have been trying to figure out how to write this post, and I just haven't been able to. But, I am going to do it anyway and trust that you know my heart.

I have been wanting to post in the past week about my pregnancy. It's an exciting time, and soon we should be finding out if McDeux (the name is staying) is a boy or a girl. But I have been afraid. I have been afraid that to write about my pregnancy somehow makes it seem like I am moving on...like I am forgetting what happened last week. It seems wrong to be happy when I also feel so sad. But, isn't that how life works? I have to remind myself that although life sometimes brings great sorrow, the Lord also gives us great joy.

So...am I saying I'm moving on from that sweet baby boy? No...and yes. Although it hurts to think about it, the fact is that he did not come home with us. Although in our hearts he feels like our son, he is not. While I know that the pain of that realization will lessen over time, right now I can't imagine thinking about it without the hurt.

What I mean when I say yes is that I am moving on from the guilt. Just as God gave us those 7 months to think we had a son in Pennsylvania, he has given us this new life as well. Does this baby replace the one we lost? OF COURSE NOT! I have to say I have been SO BLESSED by people's responses in the past week. My greatest fear was hearing the words, "Well, at least you are pregnant" or "Now you can focus on this baby." It hasn't really happened, and for that I am thankful. I am thankful that people understand the fact that we are grieving the loss of a son and that we are adjusting to the new picture of what our family will look like in the coming months.

Just as I can't imagine pushing the past week aside and pretending it didn't happen, I know that I also want to feel excited and plan for McDeux to make his or her entrance into the world. So...that is what I am going to do.

So, there it is. I hope what I was trying to say came across the right way. And please keep Miss C, her family, and her new son in your prayers. I pray daily that he will grow up happy, healthy, and to have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Enough

When my world is shaking

Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
- Your Hands JJ Heller

We have been back home now since Saturday night, and things are slowly but surely getting unpacked. This isn't exactly where we thought we'd find ourselves when we arrived home, but it's good to be back. Thank you so much for your prayers, your encouragement, and your kind words in the past week. They have been such a comfort.

I know a lot of you have a lot of questions about what happened. Honestly, we do too. But, in the end, all that really matters is that sweet baby boy we thought would be our son didn't come home with us. I think I have felt every emotion possible in the past week, but right now I am just sad. I miss him, and I wish he was here with us.

I don't understand why this happened, but I know God does. As Mike told our agency last week, we are sad and heartbroken, but we know God is still on His throne. He is still in control. He knows. He is the same God He was when we were holding that adorable baby boy in our arms thinking that we were looking down at our son. And that is enough.

Philly

I know! It's been a week since we left for Pennsylvania, and I haven't written about our time there. I'm not going to lie. I did really well on the trip, but I have had such a hard time getting up off the couch since we got back!

The trip was great. We got there very late Thursday night, and got up Friday morning ready to go meet Miss C. An impromptu trip through west Philly (Fresh Prince, anyone?) and a couple of hours later, we arrived at her house.

I know you want details, but please understand that we would like to keep the majority of Miss C's identity and life to ourselves for now. We just feel it's not our story to tell; it's Will's. Someday he will know it all, and he will be able to choose what he wants people to know and what he doesn't.

I will say that we had a great time meeting Miss C face-to-face, felt very comfortable with her, and left feeling like Miss C was very comfortable with her decision. We also got to take pictures for Will to have one day, so that was great.

Saturday morning, before the 9 hour airport shuffle began, we were able to spend some time looking around Pennsylvania. We figured next time we won't exactly have time to go see the Liberty Bell! We went down and saw Independence Hall, the Bell, and the of course we had to go see "the Rocky stairs."

And don't worry. The entire time I was there I kept talking about what Benjamin Gates would do. Unfortunately, they don't really let people up on top of Independence Hall.

Anyways, it was a great trip, and we were so glad we got the chance to meet Miss C. It won't be long now!

Heading North

Tomorrow we are heading to Pennsylvania to meet Miss C for the first time. Although we talk on the phone every week, we are excited to meet her and get a chance to talk face to face. It's going to be a very quick trip, but we will be back up there soon enough!

For those of you who may have wondered, yes, Miss C and our agency are aware of Baby McDeux. The time between finding out ourselves and the time we told them were probably some of the most nerve-wracking days of our lives! A lot of prayer took place for sure.

Miss C's first response was very positive, as was the agency's. Since then, as expected, Miss C has had some questions for us. How we'll feel when the second baby comes, how we'll handle having two babies so young, etc. After talking through these questions with her, Miss C is still very comfortable with us, and we could not be more thankful! It is such a blessing to see God building our family in exactly the way He has planned!

The Unexpected

Every Friday, I talk to Miss C, Will's birthmother on the phone. Well, imagine my surprise (and maybe a little panic) when she answered the phone this Friday and said she was in the hospital!

From the beginning of her pregnancy, Miss C has been having some gallbladder problems. They have been getting worse, and now her appendix doesn't look that great either.

So, when Will is born he will be born by c-section, and then they will take out her gallbladder and appendix as well. Talk about a crazy surgery!

So now, the problem is when he'll be born. She is currently about 28 to 29 weeks, and obviously the doctors and everyone else would like her to make it as far as possible. April would be great, but at this point we just don't know.

Please be in prayer for Miss C as she tries control her pain and that she will be able to hold on as long as possible. So far, according to doctors, Will has not been affected at all. He is perfectly fine in there, and he is currently weighing in at almost three pounds. So, please pray that he will continue to be unaffected, and that he will get to bake as long as possible.

Thanks for your prayers!

Our Little Man

Although it is something that is common knowledge in my "real" world, I realize that there is something I have never shared with you about Mr. Will. He is African American. When I first wrote about being chosen as Will's parents, it crossed my mind to share it with you immediately. And yet I decided not to. Why? Because I didn't want it to be the "main focus" of his adoption story. The real focus should be his arrival into our family, not the color of his skin.

In every way, this is reflective of the way I want to raise my son. I want to teach him that his race is a part of who he is, but it is not who he is. I want him to find his identity in Christ, in our family, his friends, and in the things he loves to do.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I am not saying that I think race is unimportant, or that I will choose to pretend it doesn't exist. I have already spent many hours in my head trying to figure out how to balance teaching Will to be proud of his history and heritage as an African American with the idea that his race isn't an ultimate definer of who he is. Not sure that definer is a word...but I like it. But...since he's not even here yet I figuring we have plenty of time to figure that one out.

So, for now, we are doing our best to prepare for Will's arrival. Mostly, that means washing his clothes and putting together the crib. But we are also praying and preparing to become a transracial family. Do I know exactly what this means and everything that is ahead of us? No. But I know what is. Great love.

Mr. Will

Although there isn't a lot to report in our adoption journey right now, I just wanted to write a little bit to let you know that everything is going great.

We are talking to Miss C on a weekly basis still, and she and Baby McD are doing well. We are so thankful that we are learning more about her and why she is making her decision, as well as having the opportunity to pray for her and encourage her.

On a different note, I keep thinking that it sounds so silly to keep referring to our baby boy as Baby McD when we have know pretty much since we got married what our first son's name would be. So, from now on, Baby McD will be known as Will.

Will is about 21 weeks right now, and according to Miss C everything is going well at her appointments. When we were chosen I felt like April would never get here, but 5 weeks have already flown by. It will be here before we know it.

Stay tuned for more posts about Will soon. We have picked out his furniture, ordered his bedding, and he's started getting the cutest little clothes. So fun!

The Paperwork Continues

Even though we have already "met" Baby McD and we are no longer waiting to be matched, we still have a lot of paperwork to get done before the end of the year. We are in the middle of our homestudy, which includes doctors visits, bloodwork, essay questions, references, financial statements, and on, and on.

Although we have already sent off our FBI fingerprints, we also have to have the county sheriff sign off that we have no record in the county we live. You know what that means. Back to the sheriff's office. Yay. Why am I so happy? Because of this. Notice the sarcasm.

We also have to go to an expectant parent class. I am so excited about this part! We will be learning about bathing, feeding, car seats, pediatricians, and so on. This is stuff I definitely need some help with!

Our home study consultant suggested that we ask to take the class privately, since we don't need the childbirth part. We are very fortunate, though, to have a woman's hospital in our area, so they have lots of classes. This class is completely separate from the childbirth classes. I mean, I love the pushing and breathing as much as the next person, but I am glad to have a class so tailored to what we need.

I think one of the reasons that the home study consultant suggests private classes is to be sensitive to women who have gone through infertility and the fact that they will be in a class with lots of pregnant women. I think that is a very legitimate concern in many cases, and I definitely understand women who would prefer not to be put in that situation. That being said, in our case I am really just not worried about it.

I feel like God has so prepared our hearts for adoption and has led us to such a peace that it is exactly where we are supposed to be. I am so thankful for that! So, tune in mid-December to find out how the class went. I can't wait!

We Are Going to Be Parents!

We have some very exciting news to share! Yesterday, we found out that we were picked to be the parents of a baby BOY due April 18th!!! We feel so blessed!

It is so crazy to be able to say those words...to know that in 5 short (please be short!) months, we will have a son! We were able to talk to Baby McD's birthmother on the phone today, and we are so excited to form a relationship with her and walk with her through her pregnancy. It was wonderful to be able to listen to her story, tell her more about us, and to share with her how thankful we are that she chose us as her son's parents.

While sometimes I think 5 months just sounds like forever, I keep reminding myself that it will be here before we know it! With all of the craziness and transition in our life right now, I am so thankful that we will have time to get settled and prepared for Baby McD's arrival! We also still need to finish our homestudy and all of the other adoption details. I think that the truth is starting to sink in a bit, but honestly it still doesn't seem very real!

Someday, I want to be able tell our son all of the details of how we found out we were going to be his parents, so I want to record it all here. I may ramble a bit!

Mike and I were shopping for our church's Wednesday evening meal yesterday when I got THE call. Yes, I got THE call in the middle of a Sam's Club. AND I MISSED IT! I listened to the message from our agency asking me to call, but I just didn't think much about it. I actually figured I may have done something wrong...I was worried I was in trouble! I called back, but I was unable to get ahold of anyone. For the next hour, my mind started churning thinking, "Could it be??" but I convinced myself there was just no way.

I went on my merry way, leaving Mike to head out and run some errands. I had just about decided to call the agency back when Mike called and told me the good news...we had been picked! So, I found out that we had been picked walking through the bath rugs at Bed Bath and Beyond! I spent the next 30 minutes wandering around Bed Bath and Beyond in a daze forcing myself not to call everyone I could think of. We decided we didn't need to tell anyone until after we got the call with more information and details.

Later that afternoon, in the middle of cooking lasagna for 50 people, we got that call. We ran to Mike's office and sat and listened as we found out we were going to be parents to a sweet baby boy! We will fly to Pennsylvania in April, hopefully be present for his birth, and then stay with him there until it is time to come home.

We got lots of other information too, but we will not be sharing most of the details. We feel very strongly about protecting our son's story. When he is ready to know all of the details of his birth family, we will let him know, and then he can decide what he wants to share with the world!

We cannot tell you how much we appreciate your prayers! Thank you for all of the support you have given us, and please be in prayer for our baby boy and his birthmother (we'll call her Miss C)! Please pray for health for both, peace and comfort for Miss C, and for us as we prepare to become parents!

Packing Paper Hates Me

Not much to report here this week. We closed on our house last Friday, so we are up to our eyeballs in boxes. I promise to post pictures once it's all done, but that could be awhile!

On the adoption front, our first homestudy interview is Thursday. I had to cancel my trip to Dallas (boo), but I am ready to get all of this stuff done! Hopefully, once we get started we can wrap it all up quickly.

Off to bed...or to unpack just one more box...

Put Your Hands Up

We went and got our fingerprints done on Monday (for our background checks), and I'm not going to lie. It was the worst. Mike and I made it almost out the door of the county jail before I promptly burst into tears. Ya'll...I was so scared.

Now, I know I just don't handle things super well all the time, but the whole experience just really upset me. Why? Well, first, it's a jail. A blue and white cinderblock jail. With prisoners.

When we first got there, we let them know why we were there and a guy came to get us. He let us know that we could only go back one at a time. Okay, no problem. I mean, we could probably bust some people out of there together if we really tried, and I think they sensed a little Bonnie and Clyde in us. But really, those are the rules and it makes sense.

Mike went first, and he was back there forever. Long enough for me to decide that they had arrested him because we still had our Texas drivers licenses anyway. Or maybe something had happened and everyone back there had been taken hostage, and I just had no idea. I watch way too many crime dramas. Finally, he came back out, and it was my turn.

Let me be brief. Me and an officer. In a tiny room. Printer broken. Officer mad. Officer shouting obscenities and hitting the printer. Me trying not to cry because I just wanted to leave. Prisoners standing outside the room watching me. Kind of uncomfortable.

Guy brought into the room with me in handcuffs. Try not to make eye contact because I have no idea what crime he committed. Start praying printer will work so officer will stop screaming and give me my fingerprints. Second officer takes other guy's handcuffs off. I think, great, this guy's about to completely overpower everyone in this tiny room and take me hostage. Or snap my neck. Printer works. Officer tells me I can go. Walk out passing the prisoners in their holding rooms. Meet Mike in the lobby. Walk out. Burst into tears. Got it? I don't either.

Mike agreed that the officer was a scary guy, and eventually I quit crying. And I figure if that's the most stressful thing that happens during this process, we'll be doing pretty good.

PS: If you are the handcuffed guy who was with me in that little tiny room, I'm sure you are a very nice person who had a bad day. I am sorry I thought you were going to try to kill me. I was a little stressed about all the yelling. Please forgive me.

One Step Closer

Yesterday was a very exciting day in our adoption journey. Our profile is now available for birthmothers to view! Basically, that means that we could be picked as parents at any time!

Obviously, it could take up to year (or more) to be chosen, but it could also be a week. We have a busy week ahead of us with FBI fingerprinting and home study stuff. That means paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. I just pray that it will be done quickly and without complications and hang-ups. There always seems to be just one more thing to do, but that's just part of the process. And it will all be worth it in the end!

The Waiting Game

I got word today that all of our letters and photos from our first round of paperwork were approved. That means that our profile will be available for birthmothers to view within two weeks! At that point, we will wait to be chosen by a birthmother, which could take a very short time or a very long time. Then, what happens next depends. The birthmother could have already given birth, she could be due any day, or she could be just a few months along. As a person who tends to be a little anxiety-prone anyways (if you know me in real life I know you are just shocked...ha!), the waiting may just do me in. Luckily, I have Someone to rely on, to lean on, and to pray to when it gets to be too much. Do you ever wonder how people walk through this life without knowing Him? I don't think I would make it a day in this life without Jesus!