This Week

I've definitely been going through an organization phase lately. I don't know that it's nesting, but it's something. All of this organization has me back in the nursery, which is a lot of fun, but it's also left me feeling a little down this week.

I spent so much time making the nursery ready for two babies, that now it's very apparent something, or someone I should say, is missing. Slowly but surely, I'm rearranging and making the room more appropriate for Mr. Max, but I can't shake the sadness that "Will" isn't going to be there too. (I will continue to call him Will on here so you know who I'm talking about, although Miss C did not keep that name. I just don't think it's my decision to share that name in a public arena.)

Yesterday I finally went through all the clothes we brought back from PA and all of the clothes in the closet. I have a pile of Will stuff and a pile of holiday gear that is going to be way to big or too small for Max. I also decided it was probably time to take the Will painting off the wall, since we are having people over tomorrow night.

The thing is, I just don't know what to do with it all. I surely don't want to get rid of it, but it also feels kind of sad to just stick it in a box in the attic. In the end I know it's just "things," but somehow it's more than that. I feel like I sound very melodramatic, but all of these things are the only things we'll ever have to remember him by. That and a few precious pictures from the time we spent with him in the hospital. So...in the attic it will go I suppose.

I don't really have much else to say. Just wanted to get the feelings out, although I don't know that I even wrote out what I meant to say. I guess that's the way it goes sometimes. I am learning more than ever what it means to live with great joy and great sadness. And as always, I know that God brought Miss C and Will into our lives for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, but I continue to pray that it has eternal value for everyone involved. And I pray that I never forget that God has a perfect plan for our family. Even when it hurts.

A New Future

About an hour ago, we received a call from the lawyer here in Pennsylvania, and Miss C has decided to keep Will. (At this point, I am still calling him Will because she has for the last 6 months as well).

When we were chosen as his adoptive parents 6 months ago, we decided that we would plan and prepare as if he was 100 percent coming home with us. However, in adoption we know that you always have to be prepared and know that reality might bring a much different future. We are facing that future now, and although we are heartbroken, we are choosing to believe that God knows exactly what He is doing and has this sweet baby boy's future in His hands.

Please pray for everyone involved in the coming days.

Will Watch 2010

We spent several hours today at the hospital with Miss C and Will. He has been staying with her in her room and will continue to do so until tomorrow when they are both discharged from the hospital. It was amazing to get to see him, hold him, and feed him even if it was just for a few hours. It was also good to sit and talk with Miss C and spend some time with her.

Tomorrow, if all goes well, we will bring Will back to the hotel with us! We will still wait two more days for the final papers to be signed, but we will be his custodians. So exciting!

Please pray for Miss C as she spends her last night alone with Will. I can't imagine what she must be feeling! I know she is emotional, but she has also expressed over and over that she knows she has made the right plan for her baby. What a blessing this adoption process has been. We are thankful to have walked this road with Miss C for all these months, and our hearts break for her as she reaches this time in the process. Please pray that she will be filled with peace, clarity, and hope in the coming hours.

He's Here!

Well...It looks like Will had VERY different plans. We landed in Philadelphia last night only to turn on my phone and find a text message that said, "Baby is here!" I thought Miss C was playing a joke on us, but sure enough the little guy decided to come yesterday while we were on the plane!


We went straight to the hospital last night to meet him, and we are on our way back this morning. He is ADORABLE! We are so in love. I'll post more as I can. Thanks so much for your prayers!

Pennsylvania or Bust

We're off! We leave tomorrow morning for Pennsylvania. We will pick up Miss C Monday morning and head to the hospital for her inducement. We should meet Will sometime Monday!

I will try to post and update you, but if I can't just check my twitter feed on the left side of my blog. That will be much easier if we are at the hospital for a few days.

I will be taking lots of pictures, but please understand that I won't be posting any until Miss C signs the papers at 72 hours after his birth to relinquish her rights. This is to protect Will, Miss C, and us.

So...here we go. What a wild ride it will be!

The Nursery...Part 112

The nursery won't be done until later this summer, but here's what's going on lately.

The goal right now is to keep all the "boy" stuff on one side of the room, since we don't know what Baby McDeux has going on in there.




This is above the changing table. I found these vinyl frames with my mom last weekend, and I thought they were fun. Eventually, they will have stuff in them, but right now I think they are kind of fun just like that.



And these are just cute.

Nothing Much

We are still packed and ready to go, but things have calmed down (for now) in Pennsylvania. Although Miss C has had contractions on and off, it seems like we really might make it to the April 12 induction date. I say that knowing she could call me at any moment! I have never been so attached to my cell phone in my life. I felt like I needed to explain that to people who wondered why my phone was sitting next to me in the church pew, but I decided to let it go. Most people at church know what's going on, and a lot of them are just as anxious as we are!

Other than that, things have been pretty quiet around here. There was the time when I pulled out of the driveway yesterday to go to church only to realize that a thunderstorm had knocked around all my plants on the front porch. That wouldn't be such a big deal if I hadn't filled the urns with packing peanuts only two days before! We spent yesterday afternoon chasing the things through neighbors yards (and backyards), so that was exciting. Yes, my definition of exciting has taken a turn in the past couple of years. At least I learned my lesson. Packing peanuts are evil. I should have learned that one long ago.

No News...

Miss C went back to the hospital today with pretty big contractions (big is a technical term). They gave her something to stop them and sent her home. Since she has to have her gallbladder and appendix out at the time of birth, they are really trying to hold her off until April 12th. We'll see if her body and Will cooperate!

The Waiting Game

Miss C went home this afternoon. But...there's a good chance she'll be going back sometime this week. We definitely aren't unpacking our bags. Let the waiting game begin.

Ready? Or Not?

This morning I was planning to write a post about how three weeks from today Miss C would be induced, and we would finally get to meet Will. Oh how God sometimes has a totally different plan!

Miss C called this morning to let me know she was on the way to the hospital. She and Will are doing okay, but her blood pressure is a little high and her body is starting to prepare for labor.

For a couple of crazy hours today I ran around thinking we were going to be leaving today, but the doctors decided to monitor her for 24 hours before deciding to induce or send her home. So...we are busy packing up and getting ready for what could end up being a very exciting week!

Please be in prayer for Miss C in the coming days. We talk almost daily, and I know she is full of emotions. She is excited that the birth is here, proud that she has made this plan for her baby, but she also knows that it is going to be emotional and hard for her to say goodbye.

I'll keep you posted.

Paintings

I am so excited about the new paintings in Will's nursery:





Aren't they so super cute? My wonderful and talented friend Destiny made them, and they are absolutely perfect! Check out her blog Little Lambs and Lillies...so amazing!

It's starting to look much more put together in the nursery now. A lot more to do, but it's getting there!

Linus

I have a secret. Well, maybe not really a secret. Because I have no shame. Up until about a year ago, I still slept with a blanket. And I only stopped because it was coming unraveled and wrapping around my neck at night. I didn't want to give it up, but I also didn't want Mike to wake up to death by blanket.

My nana and poppa gave me the blanket when I was a baby, and it has been with me ever since. Except for a very unfortunate two weeks at church camp and the occasional night at a friends house. Not because I was embarrassed...just because I forgot it.

Here is the blanket present day, after a very unfortunate final showdown with the dryer:


Linus deserves to be remembered, so he's going in the nursery in a shadow box. Although at first Mike thought I may hang it above our bed so I could reach up and touch it at night. I told him that would be creepy. I'll just hang it by the nursery door so I can touch it when I walk by, instead.

Weekend Wrap-Up

What a wonderful weekend! My mom got here Friday night and went to work right away. She was such an amazing help, and after this weekend we are so much more prepared for Will's arrival! Between the fact that I want to sleep all the time and the fact that our nursery just became a room for two, I was definitely overwhelmed and didn't even know where to start. It looks so much better now.

Saturday morning was our shower at church, and I cannot say enough about what a wonderful, amazing, fabulous church family we have! They definitely made us feel so loved. Our families also sent presents, which was fun since we don't get to see everyone a lot anymore. It was a great time! I have a bunch more pictures, but in every one I am either looking at my present in disgust or confusion. Clearly, this was not really the case, so I don't want to post those!




After the shower, my mom and I ran a bunch of errands to get the things we will have to have right away for Will to come home. Then, it was back home to work some more. Although the room still isn't done (we need to decorate), it is now functional!

The super fun baseball blanket Aunt Amy sent.

By the time my mom left on Sunday, she had cleaned, unpacked, organized, cleaned...she even dusted my bedroom, which was slightly embarrassing! But I was totally thankful. Thanks mom! It's definitely starting to look like a baby is about to live here!

This is the "packing corner." You need one of these when the first couple of weeks with your newborn will take place in a hotel in another state!

Getting There...

Although Will's nursery is not even close to being done, we got his furniture in there. Here it is:




I came home yesterday to find a gift on the front porch, and it was this diaper pail! It was so fun to get an unexpected gift...it makes it real that it is getting super close.

I figure we may not be done with the nursery for awhile, since we'll be putting two cribs in there now. Apparently God has really focused on curing me of my need for perfection!

My mom got in town tonight, because Will is having his first shower tomorrow at our church! I'm so excited she's here. And if you know the Rhonda, you know she came bearing a car load of baby and maternity stuff. She can't help it. It's like her crack.

Philly

I know! It's been a week since we left for Pennsylvania, and I haven't written about our time there. I'm not going to lie. I did really well on the trip, but I have had such a hard time getting up off the couch since we got back!

The trip was great. We got there very late Thursday night, and got up Friday morning ready to go meet Miss C. An impromptu trip through west Philly (Fresh Prince, anyone?) and a couple of hours later, we arrived at her house.

I know you want details, but please understand that we would like to keep the majority of Miss C's identity and life to ourselves for now. We just feel it's not our story to tell; it's Will's. Someday he will know it all, and he will be able to choose what he wants people to know and what he doesn't.

I will say that we had a great time meeting Miss C face-to-face, felt very comfortable with her, and left feeling like Miss C was very comfortable with her decision. We also got to take pictures for Will to have one day, so that was great.

Saturday morning, before the 9 hour airport shuffle began, we were able to spend some time looking around Pennsylvania. We figured next time we won't exactly have time to go see the Liberty Bell! We went down and saw Independence Hall, the Bell, and the of course we had to go see "the Rocky stairs."

And don't worry. The entire time I was there I kept talking about what Benjamin Gates would do. Unfortunately, they don't really let people up on top of Independence Hall.

Anyways, it was a great trip, and we were so glad we got the chance to meet Miss C. It won't be long now!

Heading North

Tomorrow we are heading to Pennsylvania to meet Miss C for the first time. Although we talk on the phone every week, we are excited to meet her and get a chance to talk face to face. It's going to be a very quick trip, but we will be back up there soon enough!

For those of you who may have wondered, yes, Miss C and our agency are aware of Baby McDeux. The time between finding out ourselves and the time we told them were probably some of the most nerve-wracking days of our lives! A lot of prayer took place for sure.

Miss C's first response was very positive, as was the agency's. Since then, as expected, Miss C has had some questions for us. How we'll feel when the second baby comes, how we'll handle having two babies so young, etc. After talking through these questions with her, Miss C is still very comfortable with us, and we could not be more thankful! It is such a blessing to see God building our family in exactly the way He has planned!

Big Brother

Last night, my mom sent me a text saying that pregnancy was getting in the way of my blogging. And she's totally right. If I am at home, I am asleep! It's something I'm working on, though. I keep telling myself it's okay, because I only have a month or two left to sleep before a very small person starts demanding my attention at all hours.

Speaking of Will, check out his new onesie from his grandma...I love it!

The Unexpected

Every Friday, I talk to Miss C, Will's birthmother on the phone. Well, imagine my surprise (and maybe a little panic) when she answered the phone this Friday and said she was in the hospital!

From the beginning of her pregnancy, Miss C has been having some gallbladder problems. They have been getting worse, and now her appendix doesn't look that great either.

So, when Will is born he will be born by c-section, and then they will take out her gallbladder and appendix as well. Talk about a crazy surgery!

So now, the problem is when he'll be born. She is currently about 28 to 29 weeks, and obviously the doctors and everyone else would like her to make it as far as possible. April would be great, but at this point we just don't know.

Please be in prayer for Miss C as she tries control her pain and that she will be able to hold on as long as possible. So far, according to doctors, Will has not been affected at all. He is perfectly fine in there, and he is currently weighing in at almost three pounds. So, please pray that he will continue to be unaffected, and that he will get to bake as long as possible.

Thanks for your prayers!

Our Little Man

Although it is something that is common knowledge in my "real" world, I realize that there is something I have never shared with you about Mr. Will. He is African American. When I first wrote about being chosen as Will's parents, it crossed my mind to share it with you immediately. And yet I decided not to. Why? Because I didn't want it to be the "main focus" of his adoption story. The real focus should be his arrival into our family, not the color of his skin.

In every way, this is reflective of the way I want to raise my son. I want to teach him that his race is a part of who he is, but it is not who he is. I want him to find his identity in Christ, in our family, his friends, and in the things he loves to do.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I am not saying that I think race is unimportant, or that I will choose to pretend it doesn't exist. I have already spent many hours in my head trying to figure out how to balance teaching Will to be proud of his history and heritage as an African American with the idea that his race isn't an ultimate definer of who he is. Not sure that definer is a word...but I like it. But...since he's not even here yet I figuring we have plenty of time to figure that one out.

So, for now, we are doing our best to prepare for Will's arrival. Mostly, that means washing his clothes and putting together the crib. But we are also praying and preparing to become a transracial family. Do I know exactly what this means and everything that is ahead of us? No. But I know what is. Great love.

The Man Cave

Just a little sneak peek of Will's nursery!