This Week

I've definitely been going through an organization phase lately. I don't know that it's nesting, but it's something. All of this organization has me back in the nursery, which is a lot of fun, but it's also left me feeling a little down this week.

I spent so much time making the nursery ready for two babies, that now it's very apparent something, or someone I should say, is missing. Slowly but surely, I'm rearranging and making the room more appropriate for Mr. Max, but I can't shake the sadness that "Will" isn't going to be there too. (I will continue to call him Will on here so you know who I'm talking about, although Miss C did not keep that name. I just don't think it's my decision to share that name in a public arena.)

Yesterday I finally went through all the clothes we brought back from PA and all of the clothes in the closet. I have a pile of Will stuff and a pile of holiday gear that is going to be way to big or too small for Max. I also decided it was probably time to take the Will painting off the wall, since we are having people over tomorrow night.

The thing is, I just don't know what to do with it all. I surely don't want to get rid of it, but it also feels kind of sad to just stick it in a box in the attic. In the end I know it's just "things," but somehow it's more than that. I feel like I sound very melodramatic, but all of these things are the only things we'll ever have to remember him by. That and a few precious pictures from the time we spent with him in the hospital. So...in the attic it will go I suppose.

I don't really have much else to say. Just wanted to get the feelings out, although I don't know that I even wrote out what I meant to say. I guess that's the way it goes sometimes. I am learning more than ever what it means to live with great joy and great sadness. And as always, I know that God brought Miss C and Will into our lives for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, but I continue to pray that it has eternal value for everyone involved. And I pray that I never forget that God has a perfect plan for our family. Even when it hurts.