Thursday, August 20, 2009

A Door Closed

At the beginning of the summer, we became aware of a birthmother who might need to make an adoption plan for her baby. We let her know, through family, that we were open to adoption if she decided that was what she felt was best and left it at that.

About a month later (three weeks ago), we received a call from one of her family members stating that she had decided she wanted to move forward with an adoption plan and that she wanted us to adopt her baby.

After that, the next few days were a blur. I met with the birthmother and her cousin, went to the doctor with her, and began to get an idea of what our adoption plan would look like. At that point she was already 32 weeks, so we knew we had to act fast.

Over the last few weeks, we have prepared to bring a baby into our house in a short amount of time, gotten our things together for a homestudy, talked to lawyers, and everything else that is involved in an adoption.

If you read the last post about us moving, you know that these past weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind.

Long story short, the lawyer called today and said that the birthmother had reconsidered and will be parenting her baby.

So, today I am sad. I am sad that I will not be bringing a baby home next month like I thought I would. I am sad that I will never know the baby I thought may be mine. But I am hopeful.

Because, ultimately, adoption is not about us. It is not about our feelings and desires. It is about providing a home for a child who needs one. It is about being a parent to a child who needs love and a family to call his or her own. Any parent knows that raising a child isn't about you, and adoption is no different.

So, today, I pray for the baby. I pray for the birthmother. I pray that the short time that the birthmother considered adoption changed her and inspired her to try to be the best mother she could be. Ultimately, we were in her life for an extremely small amount of time, but I hope that it made her consider the type of life she wants her baby to have. If we helped her in any way to improve her life and the life of her child, then the pain is worth it. Because, ultimately, it's not about us. Sometimes God places us in situations that can bring pain and heartache. Places we don't understand. But He knows exactly what He is doing. So, although we don't know exactly what our role was in this situation, we pray that God uses it for good.

Please be in prayer for this sweet baby and the birthmother. They have a long road ahead, but I hope that it is one filled with hope and new beginnings.

10 comments:

brooke said...

Beautiful post Amanda. You are very strong and I love you.

Libby said...

Amanda, you leave me speechless. What an amazing example of christianity, I am so humbled by this post and continue to pray for the 2 of you as well...God is a proud father today for sure...

Erin said...

You and your mom have amazing faith and I always feel encouraged in the midst of difficult times. Praying for blessings for you and Mike.

Rhonda said...

I love you the whole world, Manda. And when I grow up I want to be just like you. I believe that God has great things planned for you and Mike, and I can't wait to see what lays ahead.

Rhonda said...

Or maybe lies ahead? I don't know...you're the editor.

laurenk said...

You know I'll give you my real deal thoughts- that sucks. It wasn't meant to be, there's a better situation out there for y'all...in MS! ;-) Hugs for you...

Duchess said...

Amanda,

You don't know me, I just stumbled across your blog, but I wanted to send you my "virtual" love and support. My husband and I too are trying to adopt. We are in a relationship where the birth mom contacted us, but is now possibly reconsidering. We are waiting, waiting, waiting. Your post brought me strength. Thank you.

Megan

http://mightbebabywright.blogspot.com and
http://adoptionfyi.blogspot.com

are our adoption blogs.

Stewart Stuff said...

There is no other way to put it than "That stinks!". I love your outlook on the whole situation. There is the perfect baby waiting out there somewhere to complete your family. I wonder if it is in MS.

Katie said...

Hey friend!
I love you--I hope that doesn't make you uncomfortable. (Like hugging did in college. hehe) I know there are no words and I am so bummed for y'all. I know there is the perfect baby waiting for you in Mississippi. We are praying for y'all, and I too am so proud of how you are handling everything. I love you very much and am always here if you want to talk.

Nelle said...

Amanda,
I don't know you well and I read your blog and rarely post but I want to share this with you....years ago I had a friend named June. She had tried for many years to get pregnant and then opted for adoption. She fell instantly in love with a baby boy and just one short month before he would have become theirs legally the birth mother changed her mind. They were heartbroken and so attached so their son. They had no choice but to return him and pray for the best outcome for him. A short time later June found out she was pregnant and the Lord blessed her with a daughter, who she had given up hope for. I don't know what God's plan is for you, but I know he has one and I know He promises to give us the desires of our heart. Perhaps the move is part of the plan to unite you with a child that is meant for you.
I love that you are praying for the baby and birth mover. You are a kind person.